that 100 books meme

(Via james_davis_nicoll and many others on my reading list)

I have been known to read books, now and again.

Italic = read it. Underlined = not this, but something by the same author. Strikethrough = did not finish.

( list behind the curtain )

If I counted correctly, which is uncertain given I had only 4 hours of sleep last night, it comes to 35 books read, 25 authors who I've read a different work by, and 3 I did not finish -- which leaves 37 I have not interacted with at all, although many of those 37 are already on my infinite TBR.

The ones I am most surprised not to have read anything by are Vonda McIntyre and Pat Murphy -- their names and titles are so familiar to me I was sure I had read them at some point, but no, they have just been on my shelves for a very long time.

about fanfic, at last and at some length

I am finding this so difficult to write about, both because I wish to tell too many stories at once, and also because I am having the reaction that sharing something I am passionately excited about is simply opening myself up for disastrous judgement, criticism, up-turned noses, knives in the dark, etc etc etc. Which says much more about some earlier parts of my life than it does about life on Dreamwidth, really, so here goes --

I was in a cranky mood on Boxing Day due to too many chores and not enough sleep, which is something I usually treat with books, but all the books I was reading were either too much work for my level of sleep-deprivation or simply unappealing in that moment, so on a whim I started reading a random fanfic that had been recommended on my Slack -- and the next thing I knew I was staying up far too late reading it, and doing the same the next two nights as well, because it was exactly the perfect story for me in so many ways.

The story in question is The Man Who Lived by sebastianL. It is 250k words of adult Draco Malfoy living in New York, having turned his back on the world of his childhood in favour of a fuller, richer life, only to be thrown back into contact with his past against his will. There is no point in denying that I identified with this thoroughly, despite not being a queer young man in New York and having never held a wand, but I loved it for more than that -- I loved how it is focused on living present life, with the past brought in as necessary flashbacks, and how truly adult Draco strives to be, and how the author allows the characters to be so human in their mistakes and triumphs, and I loved the original characters (there are many) and the slow burn of the relationships and the humour and just -- everything about it. I loved it so much that it made me fall in love with the Harry Potter world itself, which was a surprise; I have read all the books once, but they did not appear until I was an adult, so I did not grow up with them, and I am only engaged with them just now because this is the year my daughter has discovered them. (I still have not seen most of the movies, she and I are watching them together after she finishes each book, so that we can discuss the differences and similarities and how it would always be better with more women in the stories.)

I was sad when I finished the story; I wanted more and there wasn't any more -- or was there? So I went to check what else the author had written, and there was a short follow-up story, and then of course they had written other fic, but also in looking at this I realised how detailed and specific AO3 tags can be, and that I could follow them to try to find more-or-less exactly the same things I liked in this story, and as I began to do that and try out various stories, I had several realisations -- really two big ones.

First, there is a point of view on Harry Potter which I connect with deeply that is not unique to the story above -- something about the reality I see of the groups of special children taken out of society to be trained for something else -- it speaks strongly to my (our) childhood, and it is very satisfying on many levels to read something like this, even if the characters foregrounded are not perhaps my preferred characters.

Secondly, there is something powerful for me in seeing all these writers who are putting their passions into their stories -- not just the passions for the characters or settings, but their everyday loves, bath bombs and learning to bake and good chocolate and living in cities. The characters in these stories care about things and find pleasure in their lives in a way that I am still learning to do, and it is satisfying and inspiring to read about it, it reminds me to continue doing it myself and that perhaps I might wish to share my findings with others.

Once I realised that the second of my realisations was more about an approach to writing rather than the fandom itself, I started following tags and authors into other fandoms, and I keep discovering marvels. For instance, I have beta read for a friend of mine who writes Stargate: Atlantis fiction, and it turns out that I am familiar enough with John/Rodney from her stories that I can very happily read many other stories about them, even though I have never seen this television show and thus far have no real desire to do so. Also, browsing around AO3 I realised there are all sorts of things I had never thought of as fandoms, per se, which are full of stories -- Narnia and Shakespeare plays and operas and goodness, the entire world, really. It is intoxicating, which is why I was so giddy before, and I am less giddy now because it is less new, but I am still excited and delighted and reading tens of thousands of words of fic almost every night before bed -- and keeping a list of what I like, finding patterns in particular authors and tags and fandoms so I can find more of those things --

And, also, I am thinking of writing fic, because I find it so powerful that the authors put themselves into the stories so freely, and I never wish to show anyone my writing because of self-exposure, but it seems like the inevitable self-exposure is somewhat part of the point or something here, I cannot quite narrow it down into a sentence the way that I would like to, all clear and focused and certain. But it feels like freedom, like the permission to do anything, because if it is only 100 words about Draco Malfoy enjoying the smell of his warm laundry, there is perhaps another reader out there who will take joy in it the way I would take joy in something similar -- and yes, there is something else there as well, that I enjoy these stories so much and it is truly the first time I have ever considered that I might write things that would simply bring other people joy.

So yes, I have finally for myself discovered fanfic, and it is amazing.